Living Hell
by Kyrum no Tsubarashii
Summary: Ciel's life from before was gone now, and now it was time to move onto his own personal hell; demon butler included and all! Sebaciel! M for way later chapters


Ciel was nervous. He was pacing back and forth across the carpeted floor of Sebastian's study. Yes, Sebastian's. The young Phantomhive Earl was forced to give up his own when that brat Alois had interfered. It was not like he wasn't prepared to give it all up, he had been planning on it actually. But he hadn't planned on living long enough to miss the mansion at all.

It was ridiculous how much he pined for it in all actuality. He was even starting to wish for Finnian's and Maylene's antics. You knew it was bad when that happened. You knew it was irreversible, however, when one would willingly give up anything just to taste one of Bard's meals again.

He appreciated Sebastian retrieving meals for him, but they were something he'd rather not eat. Not that they didn't taste good, no Sebastian would settle for nothing less than the best, but he couldn't stomach the idea. Shortly after coming here, the emotions he thought he'd buried deep within his heart came roiling to the surface, shattering his apathetic appearance.

This led to Ciel's current predicament of pacing nervously. This was not how he'd been raised to behave, proper etiquette stated he remain outwardly calm at all times, but it was just a testimony of how much the situation was affecting him. Sebastian had gone out again claiming he would be back as soon as he made the new contract to ensure a tasty meal for them to share. It would be only the second Ciel would partake from his short life thus far.

The transition had been painless, physically at least, though it did more mental damage than he cared to admit. Slowly coming into awareness that you were no longer human was a traumatizing experience. Adding onto the fact was that Sebastian was then starved of his meal, which he had been patiently waiting for for years. But with one act Ciel was pushed over the brink of the edge of humanity he had been tip toeing on, plunging straight into demon hood. And being forced to drag Sebastian down with him, as their current contract had not been completed at the time, and now it never would be. The soul that he was to give to Sebastian was no longer there. He would be the demon's master for all time.

That ate Ciel up inside. At first the thought of dying, of his soul being gone from the world forever, had scared him. But he was a man, boy really seeing as he was still 13, of his word. That meant that in the moment he promised Sebastian his soul in return for helping complete his revenge he had _**meant**_ it. There was also the little voice in the back of the Earl's mind that he tended to ignore whispering that he never minded becoming a part of Sebastian forever. That he would rather enjoy it actually.

"My, my Bocchan. What troubles you? You are behaving unsightly for someone of your ranking." Ciel came to a sudden halt at the amused voice from the door way. Well, not amused. He could see how distant Sebastian had gotten over the past few weeks, drifting a little further with each day. And Ciel had accepted the fact, understood why it was happening. After all, no one would want to be a servant to a _child_ for the rest of eternity.

"I am fine. There is nothing wrong. Were you successful in your endeavors?" Ciel was praying to god that Sebastian would say 'no'. He hoped that Sebastian would never again tell him that his meal was ready and it was time to eat.

"Patience, Bocchan. If you wish to nurture and mold the soul to perfection it takes time. Do not worry though. I have picked a most promising candidate; his fall is all but inevitable." Sebastian's eyes glowed red as they peered at Ciel. "Are you hungry now Bocchan? I can give you something to tide you over until our meal is ready."

"That will not be necessary Sebastian." The teal haired child gulped. He would not eat more than required for staying alive. He couldn't. Not without revealing how troubled he was by the prospect. If there was one thing Ciel hated more than liars, he was technically one now he mused, it was weakness. If he had to have weaknesses like everyone else the very least he could do was masking it from someone who would find an unsightly way to use it against him. If anyone would want that right now, it was Sebastian. The person he thought he would be able to trust until the very end was now his greatest threat. It was laughable, how the things he hated the very most were what now defined him.

"I insist Bocchan. Do not think that I would not notice how your movements have become a little more sluggish and your control is slipping. It all comes with the hunger and how you are unprepared for dealing with it. The best thing to do in this situation would be to feed whenever the urge strikes. Otherwise it would be too easy to fall in to a crazed state. I could not allow that to happen, after all I am simply one hell of a butler and have a reputation to uphold." Sebastian's eyes glowed red in the dim lighting of the study. With every word, he advanced closer to Ciel, that god awful _smirk_ curving his lips upwards.

Ciel watched the advancing demon and without thinking about it took a nervous step backwards. As soon as it registered in his mind what he had had done every muscle in his body tightened to painful point, hoping it went unnoticed. Sebastian's eyes honed in on the small movement, and his step faltered slightly before he started moving quicker. Ciel was internally using every curse he could think, aimed at himself for showing that one sign of weakness.

"My Bocchan, are you having a problem with eating?" Sebastian asked, lips stretching even further. It was a wonder that they didn't tear the corners of his mouth. It wasn't humanly possible to grin that large. Then again, he and Sebastian were not humans.

"No means no Sebastian. I am simply not hungry at this time." The lie slipped past his lips easily enough, though it left a burning sensation in his throat, like every time he lied to Sebastian. Only, this time it was worse. His throat constricted painfully and something at him protested violently to the white lie. Why was it so hard? The demon should mean nothing to him besides being a loyal dog of a servant.

"Please do not be difficult Bocchan. If the health of my master is in jeopardy I can ignore orders, even direct ones. After all, a part of our contract was to keep you alive and well." Sebastian's face was serious, but Ciel knew that he didn't really care about his health. He probably hoped death would claim Ciel very, _**very**_ soon.

Sebastian was right there and Ciel had to get out. Right now. To hell with showing weakness, he could not sit here and do this. He would eat no more than necessary, otherwise he would go insane.

Red peeked through a normally azure eye as Ciel contemplated his ways of escape. He could try to charge Sebastian and fault at the last second or he could jump for the window behind him. The window would be the coward's way out of the situation, but trying to go through Sebastian would be a lovely way to commit suicide in a metaphorical way.

Without giving it another thought, Ciel turned sharply. The window was the better option in this situation, no chance for capture. He would come up with an excuse while he was gone, but for now he just needed to get out of here as quickly as possible. The muscles in his legs tensed and bunched as he prepared to launch himself towards the window, fully intending to break through it. If Sebastian noticed his ploy or not, Ciel wouldn't know because he had absolutely _no_ intention of turning around to find out. He let his muscles release and push him forwards, rocketing towards the window.

Ciel scolded himself on the inside for thinking he would possibly be able to get away. He should have known the moment Sebastian smirked that there would be no avoiding this. It was foolish to entertain any hope that he would be spared from his butler. He knew all of this, yet he still continued to hope until he was firmly wrapped in Sebastian's arms, two feet away from the window, pulled back against a firm chest.

"I must admit that I'm surprised Bocchan. You've gotten faster over the course of these past few days. If I would have attempted to get between you and the window I would've been too late. I must ask you not to do that again though; if I hadn't caught you would've gone straight through the window. Do be more careful from now on Bocchan." Sebastian stated, not letting up on his grip any. "Now, why don't we get you something to eat?" Ciel paled and stilled any struggles he may have been making. Vermillion, which had flared so brightly before now, drained until all that was left was the original azure of Ciel's eyes. His breath came to a strangle hold in his chest as he slowly peeked at Sebastian over his shoulder.

"No." He whispered, knowing that it wouldn't make a difference. Sebastian was obviously determined now, after seeing Ciel's weakness, to exploit anything he could.

"It's alright Bocchan. It's only natural; you yourself were human until only recently. Come, I'm sure I can help you." Sebastian's ungloved hands slowly turned Ciel and then scooped him up. The tone of voice this statement was made in shocked Ciel so much that he forgot to protest. Without even realizing, he allowed Sebastian to cradle him bridal style to his chest and even snuggled his nose into the crook of Sebastian's neck. This was so much like before, before everything had gone wrong. He was shocked to find that he'd missed such contact between him and Sebastian. Touching was a very hard thing for him but he'd always tolerated it when it came to his butler. To find that he'd missed something as simple as being held was perplexing. Black fingernails combed through Ciel's hair in a comforting way, in slow measured movements that just barely scraped his scalp. Sebastian walked slowly across the room, making sure to maintain the sweeping movements of his hand. His feet barely whispered across the carpet as he moved, which was common for the demon. The gentle caresses of his head were slowly lulling Ciel to sleep, his eye slowly sliding shut, against his will.

"Sebastian?" Ciel queried quietly. He didn't want to shatter this moment and have to go back to the cold hard reality that his life before was gone. Sebastian stilled his hand and hooked both of them under Ciel's tiny arms to set him gently onto the red upholstered chair behind him.

"Yes Bocchan?" Sebastian proceeded to kneel before him and take both of his hands. His black talon thumbs softly stroked the back of Ciel's knuckles.

"This is an order. Tell me the reason behind you stabbing me when I fist awakened as a demon. You are not to tell any lies." His right eye flared violet as the Faustian seal appeared in his eye. He didn't want to ask, but knew it was necessary. If he wanted any hope that things weren't as bad as he thought they were and there still stood a chance for things to return to a semblance of normalcy Sebastian had to answer this question. If he answered wrong, it would shatter any façade they had left between them and if he answered right then things could finally get better.

"Bocchan, Bocchan, Bocchan. I've already told you haven't I? Was my answer before unsatisfactory?"

"I'm not quite sure I believed you."

"Do you really wish to know the truth? Are you sure you don't want to just order me to tell you I was just making sure you were a demon? Everything could go back to the way it was before. Isn't that what you want?" Ciel gulped nervously as he thought that over. That was what Ciel wanted, he wanted it so desperately. But there was something he wanted more than that, something that would make the ache in his chest go away.

"I want the truth."

"Very well Bocchan. The reason I stabbed you was because…" Sebastian's eyes were now glowing demonically as they were when he was about to feed off Ciel's soul. He leaned closer so that his mouth was right next to Ciel's ear. Ciel felt the warm breathing tickling the lobe of his ear and shivered at the sensation. "I needed to see if our contract was still in place. The inherent threat on your life caused me to move into action to save you after you were stabbed. Even if it wasn't, I wouldn't have let you die." Ciel's eyes snapped to Sebastian sharply from where he'd been staring listlessly at the wall. That wasn't a possibility he'd thought of. It threw off all his calculations on the situation; he no longer knew what the outcome could be.

"Why is that Sebastian?" There had to be a reason for everything that had happened recently, no matter how uncanny it was.

"More questions Bocchan? You are the curious little creature today aren't you? Is this an order as well?" Sebastian smirked again, that small devilish smirk that Ciel found a commodity between all demons. He felt right eye burn as Sebastian's left hand came up and covered it, the pentagrams reacting to one another.

"Sebastian, this is my absolute order. My word is your law, and you are not to disobey. Show me the reason you needed to see if the contract was still in place!" Sebastian's grin grew even more as he smiled down at Ciel. He looked like one of the cats he so favored after just catching a bird.

"Very well Bocchan. I will show you my reasoning." Sebastian's eyes flared as he moved the hand covering Ciel's right eye, slowly sliding it down to cup Ciel's jaw. Ciel met Sebastian's stare head on, not willing to back down from his demon butler. That is, until Sebastian darted forward and their lips connected. Ciel's eyes widened and as he gasped, a tongue darted between his lips and forced them open farther, before he clenched them closed. The kiss carried on for a few more seconds before Sebastian finally retreated, that hellish smirk still on his face. "It's simple Bocchan, I'm merely one hell of a butler."


End file.
